“Hello Sir, Good afternoon, Sir. I am Prachi Prakash calling from Pratiksha Properties”.
Hello huh?
“Sir, Prachi this side. Our company is bringing new apartments in New Gurgaon.”
Huh! Apartments in Gurgaon? Wow! That’s rare. Thank you. Thank you!
“No Sir, these are ultra luxury apartments in Sector 934”
Huh! Where is that?
“Sir, that will be the centre of Gurgaon in 5-10 years”
But I am already living in the centre of Gurgaon
“Arre Sir, do you not want to upgrade your lifestyle?”
No, I was trying to upgrade my sleep
“Sir, these are premium branded residences”
Premium bhi aur branded bhi?
“Yes, Sir”
Then it’s fine, please call me later to discuss in detail
“Sure Sir, When Sir?”
July 2042
Prachi hung up on me!
And I quietly hung up on adjectives
If everything is luxury, then nothing really is!
We have stopped buying things; we buy adjectives
Somewhere along the way, apartments stopped being apartments.
They became Premium.
Then Ultra-Premium.
Then Luxury.
Then Ultra Luxury.
Then Premium Branded Ultra Something.
I won’t be surprised if the next one is simply called “The Adjectives”
India isn’t running out of apartments; it’s running out of ordinary words.
Coffee isn’t coffee anymore
It’s artisanal.
Gym isn’t a gym anymore.
It’s a Performance Studio.
And let me not talk about what they have done to my chai; I’m too emotional about it.
We are obsessed with adjectives. Ordinary words have gone unemployed
Everything is like children in Indian schools. No one is allowed to be average anymore!
Anyway, I looked up Sector 934 on Google Maps – a message popped up: “Update expected in 2042”
OTR Footnotes:
Prachi’s sympathisers, please sit down. Fictional conversation.
This column contains only economy-class vocabulary.
But content is exclusive, handcrafted, bespoke and curated
Last Sip:
We all own at least one pen that exists only to disappoint.